It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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