My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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