Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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