Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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