What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need to get me chipped asap
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
