This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
