I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
