we have officially lost it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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