i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
