So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
