Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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