And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
