Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
