I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
