You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
