did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
