I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
