Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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