I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
