So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
