he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
