you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
