I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
