I wish my penis had an off switch
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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