I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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