Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
