I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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