my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
