Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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