farters have to be the big spoon...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
