I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
