We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
