Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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