What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
