i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
