I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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