Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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