Nicole vs. Life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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