I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
