I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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