It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
