yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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