lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
