You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize