if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
