it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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