where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
