Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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