after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
