Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
