What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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