I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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