Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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