did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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