take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
