Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
