i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
