And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
