This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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