dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
