census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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