I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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