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i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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