i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
