Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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