That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
