Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
