Can Purell be used as lube?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
