So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
